Let The Games Begin – Blood Pressure No. 5

As Day One of the first Political Olympiad draws to a close, Political Editor, Bendon Spanner, reports that New Zealand’s Prymister, Jun Ki, is leading the field in the Dreckathlon with Great Britain’s John Macaroon a distant second. Mr. Ki, in search of the inaugural ‘trotie‘, is favoured by the reverse scoring system which subtracts penalty points. The judging panel agreed, that at the halfway stage, everything Mr. Ki had done was pointless and he was a clear leader. Ki’s supremacy was underscored in the day’s final event, the Poll Vault, sponsored by Fear Facts Exposed, which was unable to identify any opposition at all.

Not so successful however, was Minister for Jacobean Hairstyles, Peter Dunne. Mr. Dunne had entered in the Coalition Hurdles but failed to realise that the objective was to clear the hurdles rather than sit on them and he was disqualified.

Meeting with more success was Minister for Perfect Teeth and Coiffure, Hekia Parata, gaining a silver medal in the Flip, Flop and Dump. Despite a valiant effort and showing extreme flexibility in her policy stance, Hekia came a distant second to Australian, Julia Gillard, who won the gold medal easily despite several about-turns and changes of direction.

Other first day casualties were Maggie Barry – who was unable to start the Mother and Child 3-legged race due to her foot being permanently stuck in her mouth; John Banks in the weightlifting, who got 3 red lights when he fell over trying to lift his wallet; Bill English disqualified for double-dipping in the pool and Paula Bennett also d/q’d in the Beneficiaries Handicap Race because she broke the scales at the weigh-in.

Better things are expected tomorrow when a multi-party team compete in Passing The Buck; David Shearer hopes to make up some ground in the Individual Pursuit; Tariana Turea and Hone Harawira appear in the Canoe Jumping and Judith Collins will tackle Serving the Writ.

The highlight of the day, though, should be the 4 x $500,000 donation relay featuring John Banks again and surprise starter Kim Dotbra.