Today, Wise Blood is honoured to publish a recent interview with living legend, Sir Wilson Parking, in which he sets forth the principal tenet of his belief system.
WB Sir Wilson, welcome and let me say straightaway how much of an…….
WP Just get on with it, will you.
WB Of course. It’s been reported that you had a major falling out with close friends at a party in London and that you’re now persona non grata around Sloane Square and Kensington.
WP Let’s hope it’s true. Custom and loyalty will only take you so far down the road of tolerance you know. In the end, if there’s enough middle class self-satisfaction in a room, even the strongest camel’s back will break.
WB Not middle class straw then?
WP If you were only half as funny as you think you are, you’d still be pretty fucking funny.
WB Quite so. What caused the problem then?
WP Politics. We were discussing how right-wing governments around the world were still serving the interests of the rich, the powerful, the corporates….you know how it goes, don’t you?
WB At the expense of the workers, the poor…?
WP Zachary. I made the point that for the majority, choices were fewer, the margins were expanding, privatisation of essential services was on the increase, privacy was at a premium and actual democracy no longer existed. And although there are no black uniforms and swastikas in plain view, we are most certainly living under the heel of corporate fascism.
WB Such fun. And?
WP One of Brenda’s lawyer ‘freemartins’ yells out ‘Godwin’s Law’! Let’s move on.’ And everyone started talking about cars and recipes. It was more than I could stand.
WB Er…what are you doing?
WP Lighting a roach. Got a pocketful of them. Want one? Where was I? Yeah – so I kinda lost it right there. I say, ‘That’s what I’m talking about, fuckers. Godwin’s fucking Law exists so sleepy, middle class twats like you can avoid thinking or talking about that shitty smell that’s right under your noses when you wake up and still there when you go to sleep. It’s a convenient moral nosegay. That’s why we’ve got a bunch of barrow boys with Public School accents running the place here and why the Americans are about to vote in a carpetbagger with a comb-over. Because rather than think about it…talk about it… do something about it!…It’s just easier to think of it as a middle class parlour game or an episode of QI and pretend you’re Stephen fucking Fry and gob off ‘Godwin’s Law’ like you’re granting absolution or something. Well fuck ‘Godwin’s Law’ – here’s ‘Parking’s Law’ ‘
WB It’s occurred to me that if your surname were Cole and not Parking, it would be ‘Cole’s Law’.
WP You’re really asking for it, aren’t you?
WB Sorry. Please carry on.
WP Wanker. So. ‘Parking’s Law’…As a dinner party in south-west one gathers pace and the number of urban middle class mediocrities increases to fill the available space, so, exponentially, does the prospect of a discussion involving Hitler, Mussolini, Fascism or Statism and the prospect of an authoritarian regime coming to power. With that exponential growth comes an associated prospect that once the discussion commences, one or more of the assembled mediocrities will cry ‘Godwin’s Law’ and thus avoid the need for any intellectual involvement…..There’s bound to be an actuary at the dinner party who’d be delighted to give you the odds on it.
WB Wow. Is that it?
WP Well, there is a corollary. Godwin wasn’t really breaking new ground with his ‘Law’ you know. The idea of the middle class having convenient moral nosegays to avoid smelling the crud has been around for centuries. Pogroms, genocide….are not a new idea. Concentration camps…. used for native Americans, Boer prisoners, Aborigines…….
At this point Sir Wilson grew tired and emotional and was assisted to a sofa by his personal assistant, Ms Brenda Cadillac.
Explanatory Note; Sir Wilson’s use of ‘freemartin’ to describe ‘Brenda’s lawyers’ is broader than Aldous Huxley’s use of the word in ‘Brave New World’ to describe sterile females. Sir Wilson uses the word to describe anyone he considers to be impotent or useless.