Tag Archives: Disasters

Bad News is Good News – Blood Pressure No. 4

Good Evening. It’s the 6 o’clock news brought to you tonight by Jeremiah Dallow and Cassandra Petrie.

We’re coming to you tonight from the TVNZ emergency bunker as much of Auckland is in flames, a State of Civil Emergency has been declared and the Army is enforcing martial law throughout the region. Minister for Disasters, Gerry Brownlee, is asking residents to stay in their homes, if they still have one, and not to go onto the streets where the Army has orders to shoot on sight anyone suspected of looting. We’ve already received reports that more than 50 elderly residents of a retirement village in Takapuna have been mown down by machine gun fire as they attempted to escape from their blazing recreation hall. An Army spokesman said that they failed to identify themselves and give the correct password. Cassandra.

That’s right, Jeremiah. What we’ve been able to discover about the circumstances leading up to the State of Emergency is that the first of a connected series of events occurred around 3.30 this afternoon on the Southern Motorway. A 3-year-old boy driving a Hyundai Santa Fe with a similarly aged female passenger were heading north against south-bound traffic. Eye witnesses said the speeding car was loaded with surfing gear, the driver’s window was down and ‘The Wayward Wind’ was blaring out of the stereo. Several vehicles swerved to avoid the Hyundai and this resulted in a multi-vehicle pile-up which included a petrol tanker, a truck containing chemical waste, several other long distance hauliers carrying timber, livestock and alcohol as well as about 50 to 60 private vehicles.

Thanks Cassandra. A survivor has told us that the petrol tanker and 2 other haulage vehicles jack-knifed and catapulted off the motorway, ploughing into a national grid sub-station, bringing down pylons and power cables. There was an immediate massive explosion which levelled everything within a 400 metre radius with fireballs and burning debris raining down on the adjacent industrial estate – in turn causing a widespread conflagration. The combined effect of the dense, acrid smoke covering the Mangere area and the loss of air traffic control systems caused by the power outage, has resulted in a least two mid-air collisions and several collisions between taxiing aircraft on the tarmac at Auckland International Airport. Cassandra has more.

Thanks Jeremiah. One of the mid-air collisions resulted in the front half of an Airbus A-350 plummeting out of the sky into the Britomart complex with massive destruction to the downtown area, By a cruel twist of fate, The Northerner train was just arriving and ploughed through the shattered terminus and into the harbour where it landed on the Beechlands Ferry.

In breaking news, we understand that most of the inmates from Mount Eden Prison have escaped, overwhelmed a battalion of the New Zealand Defence Force, armed themselves and barricaded themselves in several multi-million dollar homes in Paritai Drive.

After the break, Jenny-May will be here with the details of the Anthrax attack on the Olympic village, Jim will have live pictures of the polar caps melting and then Mark will interview the Dalai Lama on his plans to prevent AIDS amongst the Yeti population of the Himalayas.